Local Man Insists that Coworkers “Remember the Alamo”

February 1, 2006


&nbsp Logan Square white person Russell Mayhew confused and angered his coworkers with persistent pleas for them to “Remember the Alamo” during his last day of work. Mayhew, a four month employee of Red Hen Breads in Chicago, Illinois, was reportedly giving high fives and long, awkward hugs to nearly all the 13 employees working at the bakery that night.
&nbsp “He was acting all crazy,” said Alfredo Delgado, 19. “It looked like he was crying, but I couldn’t tell if he was happy or sad or crazy or something. He yelled ‘Remember the Alamo!’ and ‘Viva Santa Ana!’ like ten times!”
&nbsp Mayhew, later citing “too much Coca-Cola” as the source of his behavior, defended some of his actions. “The yelling and dancing and grabbing may have been unnecessary,” he explained, “but the overall underlying message remains close to my heart.” His upcoming termination from the bakery, he says, is much like the historic events of The Battle of the Alamo, in that it will cause joy comparable to that of former Mexican President and General Antonio Lopez de Santa Ana Perez de Lebron after his victory at the Battle of the Alamo.
&nbsp “I don’t understand all the hubbub,” said Mayhew. “I mean, Santa Ana was a great Mexican patriot, and a symbol of pride among Mexican peoples. It wouldn’t make any sense to compare myself to George Washington because they’d be like ‘Who the hell is that?'”
&nbsp When told of Mayhew’s Alamo explanation Delgado said, “What does that have to do with me? I’m Puerto Rican!” “Anyway,” he added, “didn’t Santa Ana end up losing his next battle because he was hopped up on opium and raping American slaves? If I were Mexican, I’d probably be pretty pissed off.”
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One Response to “Local Man Insists that Coworkers “Remember the Alamo””

  1. sheikh Says:

    i just got a great history lesson. you’re already a school teacher in my book, russell.–>


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