yorkville exposed

January 27, 2006

sorry for the delay folks, but we finally have proof that chris spitzer does in fact still exist. He’s got himself a sweet little setup at the restaurant, which he calls “Maccianos.” Sounds a little bit like Maggiano’s if you ask me. We’ll get back to that point later. Upon entering the establishment, we were greeted by a sweet 16 year old girl (spitzer hired a lot of them) who asked us if we had a reservation. I replied “I believe we do, I think Spitzer made one for us.” She looked at her paper and, upon seeing no such reservation under “Spitzer” said “Is this Spitzer here yet?” “I said, yeah, it’s Chris.” She said “Chris…Chris…let’s see…Oh…you mean CHRIS??!” no shit, honey. yes, we know the mayor of yorkville, also your boss, and if you could all start referring to him as Spitzer instead of Chris that would be great. I secretly hope Spitzer lost a little bit of credibility that night.

He seems to be a hit in his new hometown, as one of the locals who was also waiting for a table with his family, started bragging to us and his boy about how he knows Chris because they come here every week. When Spitzer came into the lobby and saw him waiting, he gave the man a hug and kissed his wife and child. Talk about customer service.

Anyhoo…Spitzer immediately plied us with Miller Lite and we watched football on the 42″ Plasma while waiting 30 MINUTES for our table. Yes, folks, 30 MINUTES. That’s right, Chris, I’m calling you out. If we were on Hell’s Kitchen you would be FINISHED! Never mind that we were a party of 12 on a Friday night at the height of dinner.

After we sat down, Spitzer brought us a ton of great food, quite a sampling from ribs and calamari to pizza. We tried to get some pictures of the restaurant, but Spitzer stopped us, just like that guy in Coming to America who owns McDowells but is constantly under fire from McDonalds. I hope Spitzer’s not in a nasty copyright suit against Maggiano’s.

After finally getting back to Spitzer’s place, we found a sweet little “town home.” Two stories, two-bathrooms, two-car garage, two-bedrooms, and one big deuschebag named Chris.

We played cards for a while…actually for about five hours.
Pilat was on FIRE that night, thinking five moves ahead at every play. Moss was clearly impressed by his prowess.
Katie found the couch to be “quite comfortable for something that came from the suburbs.”

Minnesota Ben was flying out to Bangkok, Thailand the following week, but started to have second thoughts. “This Yorkville place is rather enjoyable.”

Jones and Sheikh we discussing the upcoming election in Palestine.
Next thing you know, Spitzer and Sheikh end the game in a tie and split the pot because Spitzer is too tired to continue. He promptly disappears, we later find him passed out with his favorite magazine.

Good to see that Spitzer’s still the same asshole we all know and love. And he hasn’t lost his taste for home decor:


One Response to “yorkville exposed”

  1. sheikh Says:

    in related news, macciano’s will be closing early saturday evening so that spitz can fully concentrate on widespread panic’s austin city limits performance.

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