Bare-Chested Man Sparks Intense Rioting

November 9, 2005

An outbreak of mass rioting in France shows no signs of abating, but authorities are confident they have identified the unlikely source of the unrest: a Lebanese-American tourist visiting the Parisian suburb of Argenteuil.

While on a lesiurely stroll in the mostly Muslim suburb, a Mr. Adam Saad removed his shirt in the face of unseasonably warm temperatures. According to witnesses, that’s when the problems started. A local man, who refused to give his name, was quoted “Here we are, fasting during Ramadan, and some jackass walks around with pepperonis on his bare chest. What an insult, taunting us with pork products at the peak of our hunger!” The man then set a car alight in anger.

Mr. Saad has been detained for questioning. Sources say that although his defense is that those are his actual nipples and NOT enormous slices of processed pork sausage, his defense team is working on a plea bargain, citing an implausibility of this defense.

Sadly, reports state the rioting has spread to other French cities and other European metropolitan areas.

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2 Responses to “Bare-Chested Man Sparks Intense Rioting”

  1. anderballs Says:

    oh my god…i just had to leave my desk because i was laughing so hard that people were looking at me funny.

  2. spitzer345 Says:

    “Here we are, fasting during Ramadan, and some jackass walks around with pepperonis on his bare chest. What an insult, taunting us with pork products at the peak of our hunger!” The man then set a car alight in anger

    This line is pure gold, pure gold I tell you. For all the shit I’ve ever said about Shannon this redeems him.


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