Sad News for Bread Fans Everywhere

November 4, 2005


The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and trauma complicated from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71. Doughboy’s body was placed in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies and Captain Crunch. The memorial was piled high with flours.

Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and lovingly described Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded.

Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered to be a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times he still was a crusty old man and was considered a roll model for millions.

Doughboy is survived by his wife Play Dough, two children, John Dough and Jane Dough, plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop Tart.

The funeral will be held on Monday at 3:50 for twenty minutes.

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4 Responses to “Sad News for Bread Fans Everywhere”

  1. anderballs Says:

    you have WAY too much time on your hands, dad

  2. sheikh Says:

    that picture looks like dave after a friday night at the public house.


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